So I have further thrown myself into studying Buddha.
At first I took the five precepts and began saying a mantra.
I thought, overnight I could become a Buddhist and a good one at that.
Nothing happens overnight except bad decisions.
In this case good decisions were made, nonetheless, they were decisions and not action.
The past year[s] have been a dissection, metamorphosis, growth, and a yearning for more wisdom.
Essentially, growing up.
18: Under the guise of year 18, I thought I was an adult.
Drinks: Under the guise of being able to legally order and use legal mind altering substances at restaurants, I thought I was an adult.
Degree: Under the guise of a BA in Political Science, I thought I was an adult.
Move: Under the guise of a move to Texas with a boyfriend, I thought I was an adult.
Move 2: Under the guise of a move to China by myself, I thought I was an adult.
Accountability: Under the guise of being somewhat responsible, I thought I was an adult.
Buddhist: Under the guise of studying Buddha, I thought I was an adult.
Adult: When I took full responsibility for all my decisions leading up to right now/spending 2 hours a week washing my clothes by hand in a bucket.
10 March 2012. On this date I detested China so much. I thought it was too oppressive. I found teaching not to be my choice career path. I was in the direction leading me back to USA.
10 March 2002. On this date My Grandma ceased to exist in body form.
Her gifts to me include::
Since, she is always present in my mind.
10 March 2012. On this date I took 4 means of transportation to reach my Master. He dwells at the base of a misty mountain. His studio is filled with his art, Buddhist ideas, Tibetan relics, Buddha.
I expressed my disdain with everything and my overall state of dissatisfaction–seemingly present inside myself at all times.
Master expressed, ‘life is water,’ it is constantly changing, we cannot control it. We can, however, control how we see it, what we do with it, what we apply and don’t apply to our ever-changing water. He told me keep your life simple &your heart pure &everything else will fall as it should.
A crack in my disposition occurred that day.
Later I revisited Cambodia.
I felt the release of all things I cannot control in life.
That’s when I became a better Buddhist.
After a week-long visit in Cambodia I came back to China.
Master came to see me at school to give me a Buddhist text and invited me to visit Tibet with himself and his family.
My Buddhist agenda just got real:
I have immersed myself in Buddha’s teachings–more sutras more mantras.
I have realized a balance in all things.
I have realized the application of gratitude whether our circumstances are happy or unhappy.
I have realized we have no control over anything except our-self/our attitude.
I have realized it’s okay to spend our life growing up, that’s the point.
I have realized not to keep firm grips on things. Everything is fleeting and it’s okay.
I have realized not to dwell.
I have realized I am enough.
I have realized, life is the application of ideas/experiences laced with variables between.
“Everybody is yourself.”
Everyone has his or her own path with his or her own home waiting patiently with the light on.